Galatians 2: Crucified with Christ

²⁰I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

When reading through Galatians, this verse really made a mark on me. Maybe it's the way Paul phrases it -- "it is no longer I who live..." My life isn't mine but it's God's. He created me and He molded me. Why is it so hard to continue to love God and worship Him? Why does it take discipline and so much effort to continue to abide in Him? Maybe I don't fear God. Rana, I think you wrote about fearing God in your first post. Maybe I don't know what it means to be in awe of someone. I'm taking the Perspectives class and they speak about how people in other nations worship false gods but if you could persuade them that Jesus is the one and only God that created the world, they understand how to worship Jesus.

The US culture doesn't really worship false gods -- I mean we say we worship money, or fame, or power, etc., but we don't know how to worship someone or something and sacrifice ourselves. We "worship" things because we really worship ourselves but we don't really fear ourselves (does this make sense?)

I pray that God will teach me how to fear Him and how to worship Him - so that it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

My post disappeared!!!

Arghhhh.....I just posted something and it's gone! I don't know what happened....

Will try posting again later...sigh.

1 Peter 1

I try to imagine how it felt to be a Christian at the time of this letter.  And sometimes I feel as if I'm "dispersed" somehow longing to be in community with my brothers and sisters.  I'm in the midst of planning our Los Angeles trip to show Zoe to my family and see old friends and go to a wedding.  I am planning it as if this will be the last trip to Los Angeles -- for at least 5 years.  Being in New Jersey has been tough and has been fun.  I've had the great opportunity to meet Christians and make friends but I do long for that sense of community.  I remember my days in seminary - where my whole apartment building was owned by the seminary and so... a prayer partner was just a door away.  I worked with Christians in our development office and we had Bible studies together...  those were good times.
My college friends are now mommies - and they still meet at least once a month even though they live within 100 miles of each other... They are still very active in their faith. 

As my mother-in-law packed her things and moved to Jersey - the idea that we might just settle here on the east coast is slowly sinking in -that the things that I left behind are right where I left them...   I am making new memories, new friends here.  I'm in a different place in my life now...  and my friendships don't resemble the ones I had in my 20s.  I am encouraged by the words to remain hopeful not of the things that I am to experience here on earth but what I have awaiting me in the end... or rather at the beginning of eternity - if that makes any sense.  I am encouraged to make the most of my experiences here whether they last a few months or years or decades.  That although there is this homesickness, a longing for something that made me feel "settled"... that there is a real "home" to look forward to -- a real permanent one.

And I find myself really thankful for you two women.  Caren, I love that you had this idea and took the initiative to start something that I definitely needed.  I love that you tirelessly organize events for the mommies group and I'm still just trying to figure out how to contribute as an asst. organizer.  Amy, I thank you for being a great sister and friend to talk to.  You were definitely a breath of fresh air at church...someone I really looked forward to seeing.  I love and admire your heart and am excited to get to know you more.

All things do fade but the word of the Lord does remain forever.  

Hosea 5/6 - Return to God

¹⁵ I will return again to my place, until they acknowledge their guilt and seek my face, and in their distress earnestly seek me. (Hosea 5)

Last week was really challenging. It was extremely difficult to read the Bible, to pray, to delight in the Lord. I was unnecessarily annoyed and irritated almost the entire week. Instead of seeking God, I watched numerous episodes of a Korean drama. I realized that whenever I have my down moments, I seek electronic entertainment instead of being still with God. That's one thing I need to discipline myself in my Christian walk -- to find respite in God and not in the world in my down moments.

I forced myself to finish Daniel and continue with Hosea because I didn't want to be too behind in my readings. As I was reading Hosea, I was amazed how God continues to love his people despite their "whoredom." God only wants us to love Him -- and it saddens me that loving God is so hard despite the fact that we know in our minds and hearts and our souls that He is real and the one and only God.

I love Hosea 6:1: ¹"Come, let us return to the LORD;

for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.

God never leaves us -- but uses our circumstances so that we may continue to grow in our Christian journey. I've been listening to audio CDs of Mere Christianity -- and I wish I had listened to it sooner. CS Lewis constantly talks about how God looks at our hearts and not the results. Did we make that decision based on our love for Jesus or based on our selfish nature? I want to do extraordinary things for God but I'm starting to understand that we are in this world to create a better soul for our next world (heaven), and not necessarily to become the next Apostle Paul. Every decision I make counts in my Christian journey -- there are no small decisions. And God will honor those who seek him earnestly.

We had communion this past Sunday and I repented. I cried so much because I failed to seek God earnestly. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I am forgiven and that I am God's child. Amazing grace...

Hosea 8

"For Israel has forgotten his Maker and built palaces..." (v. 14)

For me, Hosea has been a reminder of why I'm here in New Jersey.  This was the book God gave me in preparation to come serve at my church about 4 years ago. 

There is a sense of.. "gosh, they just don't get it."  And these days, as we're kicking off the new school year... I feel this sense of frustration with my youth group kids.  Some are great... but the seniors.... it's like, all of a sudden they've become too cool for youth group.  Some have been active for years and now all of a sudden they need to prep for college apps and prepare their art portfolios.  God just has to come second..  The word that is used often "whoredom" keeps sticking out to me...

And in the midst of thinking of my students -- I am also reminded of how God must be so frustrated with us.  When we lost electricity - my devotions were so deep and awesome.  As soon as we got power and internet... off  my mind and time went into whoredom.

So this is my prayer... that I, first, may be devoted to you.  That I may not forget my Maker and go after the things of this world that are so fleeting...  And God, please do your work in your beloved children.  We can't lose them now... Bring them back, God.

Hosea chapters 1-7...

Hello ladies, i've read chapters 1-7 so far. Hope you've all been enjoying the weekend...

Well, as i was reading hosea, the greatest "tugging" i felt at my heart was that of the need to pray.

As i read of israel's sins, it became apparent that much of what the Lord was saying about them is very applicable to our nations in this day and age--and also of believers today.

The sins of the church of believers, the sins of our nation are all clearly written out.

How true is it that "the beasts of the field and the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea are dying" (4:3) today? But how many people are in tune with the Spirit of the Lord enough to recognize and acknowledge that these things are happening because His people are straying from Him? "there is no faithfulness, no love, no acknowledgement of God in the land."4:1

I find it interesting that God is not reprimanding the other other pagan nations and surrounding cultures, but Israel and Judah--the nations who were called of God--The people of God "rejected knowledge...ignored the law of [their] God, ...they exchanged their Glory for something disgraceful." (4:6-7)

This leads me to believe that as believers, we are given certain knowledge, capabilities, and responsibilities to live our lives differently from those non-believers around us. And as i believe that there are few still faithful to the Lord and desire to live according to His words, those believers (we) are also responsible to pray and intercede for our wayward brothers in the faith, as well as the nations around us. The beasts of the field, the birds of the air, the fish in the sea are not only dying and affecting the believers, but non believers alike.

As professing christians, we must intercede on behalf of our generation...because despite our rebellion and sins (as a whole nation of believers), the Lord gives us hope:

"Therefore I am now going to allure....give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. ...I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion...and you will acknowledge the Lord..." (2:14-21)

God has sent Christ, and and we were given hope, but we now need to spread that hope--through prayer and intercession, we can also hope to bring those who are only 'christian' by name, back to the acknowledgement of God.

...so i am convicted and am sorry that i have i have NOT been interceding for the nations, and for the people of God in this globe. how many stories have we read of pastors, church leaders falling into the sins of the world? ("The more the priests increased, the more they sinned against me...they feed on the sins of my people and relish their wickedness. And it will be: Like people,like priests." 4:7-9) How sad that even our leaders are falling because of just the widespread evilness and sinfulness of professing "believers," who are not living any different from the rest of the world.

Reading Hosea so far is stirring within me the need to repent for my own wayward self, and to pray for our church, the body of Christ, and for the nations...

Daniel 9-10 & Dreams

Daniel 9: ²³ At the beginning of your pleas for mercy a word went out, and I have come to tell it to you, for you are greatly loved.

Daniel 10: ¹²Then he said to me, "Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words."

Since I have read Daniel, I have been praying that my love for the nation and the world will be greatly increased. Daniel loved Jerusalem so much that he fasted for days and prayed so earnestly. To think of it, I don't even pray like Daniel for my family! After reading Daniel 9 and 10, I couldn't help but wish that God would tell me that I am greatly loved by sending an angel (or Jesus).

After reading Daniel, I had this vivid dream. The beginning of my dream was nothing unusual -- and I remember thinking in my dream that everything was ordinary. Then, all of sudden, the beasts that Daniel described entered my dream -- but it was like a flipping book art. The beasts were drawn so distinctly, there were no roundness to them but all the beasts were drawn with sharp edges. They images were beautiful, like black and white stained glass. And someone was the flipping the pages because the beasts began to move. I saw that the beast with the horns were devouring the other three beasts that Daniel described. I got scared and tried to wake up but I couldn't. Then I started hearing the sound of demons, and I tried to reach for my husband but it wasn't my husband next to me but another demon. I tried harder to wake up but couldn't -- and suddenly, I remembered Daniel and his confidence in God. So I began to shout Jesus has already defeated death; Jesus has defeated evil; God has already been victorious. Then I saw another beast that looked like a lion devour the beast with the horn. And then I kept repeating that God was victorious and that Jesus defeated death. Then all was calm. And then I woke up.

What amazed me about this dream was that my images were so artistic and creative. How did I even dream about flip page art? I have no talent in art whatsoever. I wish I could draw what I dreamt. It was extraordinary.

I could say I had this dream because God was telling me that we are victorious. But then again, I had this dream after I read about Daniel's visions and the images were very similar to what he described. Maybe it's a combination of both -- God is telling me through Daniel that he loves me -- that as long as I set my heart to understand and humble myself before God, God will hear my words and come.

Looking very forward to read Hosea!